I know how much I can overthink, have too much on my mind, and sometimes, this is hard to deal with it. I know, I agree and I’m working on it. But if there is one thing that I don’t want to change or be flexible with is anything that would make me lose myself, my real self. I remember the days when I believed it wasn’t me, when I realized my mind wasn’t on the same page as my heart, when I didn’t blame myself for thinking it was enough. By doing the right thing, we all should understand that sometimes it’s more important to crack your heart and scratch your skin to make a step forward and come back to the right road than trying to fit in a case where you can’t even breathe. Life has never been easy, and it will be harder and harder if you don’t face it when it’s time. This is the opportunity to learn through experiences and decisions you make.
When it’s time to move on and take a step forward, please remember the days when you actually loved yourself, when you didn’t have to question your every move, when you believed that you were worthy. I want you to remember when it never crossed your mind that there was something wrong with you. You don’t leave because you give up. You leave because it’s not you. And you have to be YOU. I keep thinking the hardest choices are always the best to make because they ask you to be true to yourself and you know how difficult it is to face yourself in the mirror and admit you can’t even recognize who you are.
To be honest, making the decision to move on didn’t look like the conventional breakdown that I expected it would. There was no crying on my bedroom floor, I didn’t walk in to work and scream at someone for leaving these dirty dishes in the kitchen. No actually, I just got off the phone with my mom and decided something needed to change now. And then, I lost this pain in my stomach, this lump in my throat and started to breathe again. I was almost surprised by myself as I know how much I can be impulsive. (Wait, should I start again then and create a horrible crime scene in the middle of the road?)
Don’t expect things will come easily afterwards. It’s not because you made the first step that your life will start to make sense again. Good things take time, we all know that, right? By doing something that scared the absolute shit out of me, I decided to make this life I have right now a better one. And oh actually, I wasn’t scared of what was happening, I was scared of how to make the first step to move forward. You know, this one, this famous one that none of us is able to experience before we decide actually to move our ass, our bad ass. Yep, this one. The scariest moment is always just before you start. So I started, I took the opportunity to be me again and make things right into my life. And then, I felt good again.
At times, it can be hard to know what the right thing even is, please remind yourself Happiness comes when what you think, what you say and what you do, are in harmony.
Full love – Roxie